Stay Signed In
Do you want to access your site more quickly on this computer? Check this box, and your username and password will be remembered for two weeks. Click logout to turn this off.
Stay Safe
Do not check this box if you are using a public computer. You don't want anyone seeing your personal info or messing with your site.
Aries
So, hot-head, had your daily temper tantrum yet?
Ms Independent, you want to be boss and would rather be eaten by cockroaches than let a man open a door for you.
You love your mates - but only ones who like being razored by your sharp tongue.
You'd never fail a lie detector test coz you're too honest, but telling your nan she's got bat ears is a bit much.
Most likely to dump someone because … he gave you his mum's Irish stew recipe and asked you to make it.
Most likely to be dumped by someone because … you beat him at soccer then asked for twenty quid to throw a victory party.
Your dream date is ... splitting the bill down the middle.
Your pet hate is … Being told to bite your tongue. Does anybody care how sore that is?
Most likely to meet your end by … challenging Vinnie Jones to fight because he looked at you funny.
Your friends laugh at you because … you get so cross that steam comes out your ears.
Your kindred spirit is … Charlotte Church - she never misses an opportunity to tell it like it is.
Gemini
Face facts, chatterbox, for you silence ain't golden - it's SO last season.
Always witty, your idea of fun is talking the hind leg off a donkey. You're clever in conversation, but mates can't keep up with your topic-hopping.
Your ability to multi-task is legendary, but finishing one job properly - like your make-up - might make more sense than half-finishing a dozen.
Most likely to dump someone because … every sentence he uttered began with 'foot' and ended with 'ball'. Yaaawn.
Most likely to be dumped by someone because … you never let him get a word in edgeways - let alone a snog.
Your dream date is ... being a contestant on The Weakest Link.
Your pet hate is … running out of phone credit or your Instant Messenger crashing from overuse.
Most likely to meet your end by … being struck by a freak lightning bolt while chatting on your mobile.
Your friends laugh at you because … you cannot sit still (and therefore must have ants in your pants).
Your kindred spirit is … Sara Cox. She could get her mouth taped up and still manage to carry on chatting - while juggling being a mum, presenting her radio show and going out with her mates of course.
Taurus
You'll be a glam gran one day because you love expensive gear and quality goodies so much.
Your mates are scared of you because you're all placid and peace-loving until someone pushes you too far…then SNAP! You seem so patient, but you're really just day dreaming about some Jimmy Choos or hatching a plot to get rich quick.
Most likely to dump someone because … he invited you over for cheap take-aways. What kind of a date is THAT?
Most likely to be dumped by someone because … you'd rather go shopping and lunching than answer his texts.
Your dream date is ... a five-course dinner cooked by Jamie O at a top New York restaurant - for free.
Your pet hate is … being told to hurry up. What's the rush?
Most likely to meet your end … choking on an olive in a ridiculously expensive martini on board a private yacht in St Tropez.
Your friends laugh at you because … you'd rather prance naked in the snow than wear less-than-hot jeans.
Your kindred spirit is … Coleen McLoughlin. Her boyf may be loaded but that doesn't stop her accessorising her Prada wardrobe with bargains from the Topshop sale rail.
jun22-jul22
jul23-aug22
aug23-sept22
Leo
What a cute kitty with an ego to match. You're the hottest cat on the block and you know it.
You're a friend for life - as long as you're reminded how wonderful you are. Living loud and large is your motto and you're amazingly hard of hearing when people tell you to tone it down.
Secretly, you think the world is too small for you, even if no one else agrees.
Most likely to dump someone because … he didn't understand the concept of a "compliment a day"…
Most likely to be dumped by someone … for pretending not to know him when you bump into your older brother's uber-hot friend in Tesco.
Your dream date is ... an invite to the Oscars, where you swan about acting like a Hollywood A-lister of royal descent.
Your pet hate is … receiving fewer Valentine's cards than your mum. Or anyone you know.
Most likely to meet your end … in an accident involving your new bikini, some inappropriate heels and the edge of a swimming pool.
Your friends laugh at you because … nobody laughs at you - they must be snickering at someone behind you?
Your kindred spirit is … Paris Hilton. Bling bling and fame, darling.
Cancer
Admit it, you're a homebody at heart. While the world's partying up a storm, you're baking muffins.
Friends and family mean everything to you, but woe betide the fool who forgets your birthday - they'd really get to see you put your waterproof mascara to the test.
You enjoy showering loved ones with gifts, as long as you're not mooching around in one of your moods.
Most likely to dump someone because … he wouldn't double-date with your sister and twin cousins.
Most likely to be dumped by someone because … he acted weird when you asked him to a family dinner for your first date.
Your dream date is ... cheesy violins playing soppy tunes in a tiny Italian restaurant (owned by your great-uncle).
Your pet hate is … people who think families in soap operas are dysfunctional.
Most likely to meet your end … through dehydration, after weeping buckets over a sad movie with your sister. Brokeback Mountain is like soooo sad.
Your friends laugh at you because … you spend a fortune every month on waterproof mascara.
Your kindred spirit is … Jamie Oliver. A food AND family man!
Virgo
A neatness freak by nature, your great claim to fame is smelling a filthy kitchen six streets away.
Good with figures, you like making lists - 'specially for everyone else. If there's a spot on your favourite dress you'll probably dry-clean donate it to charity.
Mates can rely on you to straighten their rooms and throw away precious junk when you visit. Dirty dishes are the enemy and you're not embarrassed to have Kim and Aggie on speed-dial.
Most likely to dump someone because … his socks didn't match. There's no excuse.
Most likely to be dumped by someone because … you threw out his CD collection. It was gathering DUST!
Your dream date is ... a snuggle on the couch watching How Clean Is Your House?
Your pet hate is … being told to tidy your room. As if.
Most likely to meet your end by … slipping on your perfectly polished floor in your perfectly polished kitten heels. Silly gal.
Your friends laugh at you because … you've got your DVDs in order and an account card at the dry cleaners.
Your kindred spirit is … Monica from Friends - she cooks, she cleans and she still has perfect hair. What a girl.
sept23-oct23
oct24-nov21
nov22-dec21
Libra
The world's last great romantic, you'd rather have your eyelashes plucked out than die alone.
An indecisive type, you might take several months (years, even) to choose a best mate or fave colour.
People love you for your gentle nature, but know better than to ask your opinion on something - you've got splinters in your bum from sitting on the fence for so long.
Most likely to dump someone because … he forced you to choose between strawberry cheesecake ice-cream or cookie dough - torture.
Most likely to be dumped by someone because … you um-ed and aah-ed for days about whether to snog him or his brother.
Your dream date is ... a blind date at a secret dinner location - you won't have to choose the guy OR the food!
Your pet hate is … people saying there's no such thing as "happily ever after". Shiver.
Most likely to meet your end by … getting buried in a mound of snotty tissues after The One got away.
Your friends laugh at you because … you keep your options open by sending Valentine's Day cards to all your ex-boyfs.
Your kindred spirit is … Scarlett O'Hara from Gone With The Wind. She had it all.
Scorpio
Sabrina the Teenage Witch has nothing on you - you're so psychic you could make a living reading people's minds.
Secretive and sexy, boyfs love your "come hither" looks, but your full-on jealously has been known to send them running for cover.
That lethal scorpion tail packs a punch - though you end up stinging yourself in the foot half the time.
Most likely to dump someone because … he stupidly pointed out that Angelina Jolie was hot. D'uh.
Most likely to be dumped by someone because … you caught him red-handed chatting up a girl. Never mind that it was his sister. SHE'S STILL A GIRL.
Your dream date is ... a masked ball, where you get to be mysterious-like and spy on the boyf.
Your pet hate is … when mates don't 'fess up to their weekend shenanigans. You must know all.
Most likely to meet your end … in a foreign jail after being exposed as a top MI5 agent.
Your friends laugh at you because … you're always looking over your shoulder for fear of "being followed".
Your kindred spirit is … Lara Croft from Tomb Raider. That gal's unsinkable.
Sagittarius
You think of yourself as popular, adventurous and freedom-loving. People say you're impatient, but you don't have the patience to listen to that nonsense.
You'd love to be a pro-gambler and have been known to Sky+ Deal or No Deal - although you reckon you'd be too good to ever lose a game.
You're a traveller at heart although you'll probably see Egypt from the sofa rather than spend a whack on plane tickets.
Most likely to dump someone because … he arrived 14 minutes late to pick you up - twice! You're a busy woman after all.
Most likely to be dumped by someone because … he beat you at Scrabble so you took revenge by donating his iPod to charity.
Your dream date is ... a picnic on top of Mount Everest - it's only a small hike after all.
Your pet hate is … losing an argument. If you say the world is flat, it's flat, alright?
Most likely to meet your end by … getting tangled in your tent ropes while on an adventure holiday in Spain.
Your friends laugh at you because … you pretend you're abroad by sending foreign postcards to your nan - shame you buy them from your local travel agent.
Your kindred spirit is … Kylie Minogue - rich, independent and she travels the world. Aaaah!
dec22-jan19
jan20-feb18
feb19-mar20
Capricorn
Practical and hard-working, you're a bit of a plodder. When others are celebrating the summer hols, you'll be getting started on next year's maths project.
People think you're harmless, really - the truth is, you're highly ambitious. "Just do it" is your motto, although preferably with someone else doing the hard work.
Your ideal plan is to create an evil empire of worker slaves while getting fat and rich. That or win The Apprentice.
Most likely to dump someone because … his greatest ambition was to score a goal - not rule the world.
Most likely to be dumped by someone because … you made him check your homework every night - while you did his.
Your dream date is ... you don't have time for dates, unless they involve future career prospects.
Your pet hate is … people who tell you to lighten up. There's work to be done.
Most likely to meet your end by … forgetting to eat, sleep or breathe while working non-stop on a money-spinning project.
Your friends laugh at you because … you read the business section of the newspaper to relax.
Your kindred spirit is … Bill Gates, the world's richest man. 'Nuff said.
Aquarius
Always on a mission to save the planet, you plan to invent an anti-war device in your spare time.
A humanitarian, you don't step on ants and shout at your mum for not talking to her plants more often. Mates know you're eccentric, so they don't mind you recycling their old lipsticks or forcing them to drink green tea at slumber parties.
You consider yourself a misunderstood genius.
Most likely to dump someone because … he thought Green Peace was a rock band.
Most likely to be dumped by someone because … you decided to save water by not bathing for a month.
Your dream date is ... a romantic stroll through the organic food market.
Your pet hate is … people who talk down to your cats.
Most likely to meet your end by … handcuffing yourself to a tree in the Amazon rain forest and then dropping the key down a rabbit hole by mistake.
Your friends laugh at you because … You think wearing your gran's clothes in an attempt to 'recycle' fashion is just fine.
Your kindred spirit is … Lisa from The Simpsons. A moral miss with massive brains and big heart
Pisces
A dreamy sort, your head is full of fantasies and cottonwool. This means you'll wear mismatched socks and tie your shoelaces together often.
Imaginative and telepathic, you hate loud noise and jump every time your phone rings. Shame you don't know how to use your mobile either.
People accuse you of being lazy, but you just smile sweetly and go back to sleep.
Most likely to dump someone because … he turned on MTV while you were napping, causing permanent damage to your heart and eardrums. Fool.
Most likely to be dumped by someone because … you forgot he was your boyf - wasn't it all just a lovely dream?
Your dream date is ... a slow boat ride in Venice, gazing into each other's eyes while having your feet tickled.
Your pet hate is … being thrown a surprise party. Too many faces, so much noise! Make it go away!
Most likely to meet your end by … falling into a man hole while gazing at the sky, thinking about deep and meaningful things like glitter and puppies and stuff.
Your friends laugh at you because … you had to get glasses coz you went cross-eyed trying to see their auras.
Your kindred spirit is … Joss Stone. She maybe be a worldwide superstar but she's still a Cornish hippy at heart.
